Modern Day Father

I am a father. I have no idea what the heck I am doing most of the time. I desire to be a good provider, dad, and husband but I don’t know how to be someone or something that I have never done before. I have never had a male figure in my life though I do know my father, we are not close. I wish to be close with my father. Maybe, I could have learned from him how to treat a woman. or better yet, how not to. I feel a heaviness upon my chest everytime I feel like I am trying, but told that I can do more. What more is there to do? How much of my self do I give? I feel like a child myself stuck inside a mans body.

I am a father. I was married young when my ex got pregnant. I immaturely got married to take responsibility but now I am divorced, paying child support and barely see my child. I am a “every other weekend” father. I am pressured to meet the expectations of my child’s mother and what she feels our child deserves from a father. I am a father looking to find my own way in the world, and how I can make money to first support myself but usually I am called selfish if my world does not revolve around my child.

I am a father. Though I know it’s wrong of me to not attend my children’s school events, I just don’t want to run into their mother. Our communication is unhealthy and it makes me uncomfortable. Does that sound unmanly to say? ‘Its for the child, forget the mother,’ they say. But in my eyes, it’s hard to talk or have a relationship with my children if their mother is a constant interference. what am I supposed to do? Do I let my children just stay with their mother and not even try? I want to give up.

I am a father. I messed up my marriage by cheating and doing drugs. I have a child who is the spittin’ image of me. I love him with my whole heart. I am not there for my child. He mostly lives with his mother. I pay child support every so often when I have the money. I have another woman and a few more children that I take care of. When I am sober, I think about my decisions. I hate thinking about my son. He is growing up beautifully thanks to his mother being the strong woman that she is. If I would have stayed away from drugs and the desires in my heart, would it say that I would have been a good father? My presence may be important but it’s truly where my heart lies.

I am a father. I take care of all my children. They get whatever they wish for any holiday, especially Christmas. My relationship with my children’s mother is better than it use to be. We are no longer in a toxic, back and forth, sex every now and then, relationship. We understand our place now, and that is not being together. We are better parents when we focus primarily on the children. It took some years to get here. So, anything is possible! I want the best for my children. I work hard to be there for them whenever I am able to. They think I am such a great dad, but they just do not understand how difficult it can be to do it all.

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