Inner feelings

Why is it so difficult to tell how we feel? I should write books since I have such a vivid imagination. Imagining things are my way of saying how I feel and it can be fun until I realize I am only doing so to prepare myself. If I don’t do this, I fear something bad will happen that’s out of my control. Life and love are freely given but so hard to endure sometimes. After watching Love Alarm, I’ve wondered how many times I rung his alarm. The moments I think about not being together seem pointless and selfish. In reality, I really don’t know what’s to come. And to be honest, that’s one scary rollercoaster that I am not prepared for. Sometimes, I want to get stuck in Moments. Some call them Lollipop Moments but they are moments where a great, unexpected thing happens and it ends up filling the heart with joy, peace or love. I think having a Love Alarm would be too much pressure. But then again, pressure is already there when trying to figure out what’s in the heart.

When I look inside, it is confusing and unclear. I feel anxious and worried.  Worried of what I don’t see and of what I do. It doesn’t feel good to me. Immaturely, I’d rather not know or feel it because no matter what I feel, I know the world does not work like my imagination. If in my heart it involves another person, but they are reluctant, I’m in a Unrequited love. But what if there is someone who is willing but the heart is unclear of what it feels overall for that person. The heart is only dewelling on Moments. What to do then? There is so many questions that I have and many answers I yearn for. Until then, I will constantly feel that pull at my heart and the innocence of curiosity.

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