It Follows

Have anyone of you ever seen the movie It Follows? The movie is basically about an STD that haunts the person that has it. Everyone in the movie constantly have sex with others to pass on the spiritual STD. I thought the movie was very stupid but it made me think about my life.

I have tried everything but insecurity follows me. I have tried to pray it away, move away from those I felt that fueled my insecurity, beat myself up about it mentally, blamed others , attempted to keep my boyfriend away from certain people all in which have not worked. Somewhere inside I am telling myself stories of insecurities, making up scenarios that may never happen just to prepare myself. I have put so much energy into insecurity, it’s hard to draw back that energy to place it elsewhere

Everyone has their demons or “skeletons in the closet” that we can’t seem to move pass no matter what we do. Mine may be insecurity, yours may be pride or depression/suicidal thoughts. The very first thing I’ve learned is the root of it can be mutiple things. Things that were passed down to you from your peers, teachers and parents. Another cause may be our society and it’s expectations. But the most important one is the fact that you and I have forgotten who the hell we are.

We have forgotten how strong, powerful, significant, beautiful, and worthy we are. We have never needed clothes, shoes, accomplishments, careers, money, or relationships to understand our value. And guess what? We still don’t need any of those things. Because those things, and people, are outside of us. I got tired of being insecure, like at some point I just yelled F it, I’m done feeling this way. It’s a continuous progress because I can easily slip back into insecurity right now but now I know there is a way out. And that way is not caring about what other people have, how smart they are, how better their bodies are, but to focus on me and try to figure out what’s also good about me.

My message for today. Remember who you are before others told you who you are. Remember how creative, innovative, inspiring, confident, and courageous you are. This is not just motivation because I know Life is hard. But I also know that you are here because you can withstand it. That’s just how strong you are.

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